As a psychologist specializing in the treatment of individuals experiencing
relationship and/or sexual distress, I have a unique perspective from which to
observe the deleterious effects of these messages. From my work with these men
and women I have become convinced that their pursuit of the perfect sexual
encounter practically guarantees distress as well as disappointment for many of
them. My experience is that women and men - almost always because of media
messages communicating the importance of sexual "performance" over sexual
satisfaction - are likely to have unrealistic expectations about sex and are
often preoccupied with whether or not they "measure up."
I have written a number of articles on what I refer to as the "sexual
performance perfection industry" or the SPPI. The members of this industry
include most large pharmaceutical companies, members of the medical/surgical
establishment, as well as certain entrepreneurs, some of whom manufacture
sexual "enhancement toys" and others of whom produce sexually explicit films.
The SPPI, which evaluates all sexual encounters in terms of performance rather
than satisfaction, tends to "medicalize" any type of sexual behavior that is
not consistent with the industry's definition of sexual perfection.
Thus any sexual encounter that does not include "rock hard" erections for men
that last for the "required" number of minutes or sufficiently explosive
orgasms for both men and women will be seen as problematic. And since the
ultimate goal of the SPPI is to sell either its products (eg. Viagra, Cialis,
triple X rated movies) or its services (eg. visits to "sexual enhancement
clinics" or procedures such as penile implant surgery), this industry is
committed to ensuring that young (and not so young) men and women remain
worried about their sexual performance. As a result, I am seeing more and more
young men in my practice who regularly use Viagra during all of their sexual
encounters, not because of any medical problem but simply to reassure
themselves of their ability to "perform." By doing so they are guaranteeing
that eventually they will be unable to perform at the unrealistic levels they
have already set for themselves.
The SPPI's definition of sex has changed the basic nature of a sexual encounter
from one of intimacy and pleasure to one of achievement and performance. In
spite of the fact that all evidence indicates that psychological treatment is
the therapy of choice for most sexual disturbances, the general public now sees
medical and pharmaceutical interventions as the "first line treatment" for
these disorders.
How has this change come about? In large part through the complicity and active
participation of the mass media. The press releases of the SPPI concerning its
most recent research finding are duly reported on the front pages of virtually
all national media. The media are only too happy to provide an endless supply
of newspaper, magazine and Internet articles on these medical "breakthroughs."
After all, what sells websites, magazines, or newspapers (including the one you
are now reading) better than sex?
The message communicated in the media by this pervasive medicalization of sex
is, in effect, an industry-supported advertisement that serves to provide a
steady supply of new customers for the products and services of a
multimillion-dollar industry. It is a message intended to create feelings of
inadequacy and to remind us that we do not measure up and that we never will
unless we become regular consumers of the industry's products.
So what is my message to people? In brief, that sexual distress and
disappointment is the inevitable consequence of our futile efforts to attain
sexual perfection. Only when we realize that the message being promulgated by
the SPPI is itself a recipe for sexual failure and disappointment are we likely
to achieve the sexual satisfaction that eludes so many of us today.
